How to Live Homeless in Houston
Yup the name is exactly relevant, somehow I have landed myself into a tent near the last hotel I stayed at. Which isn’t nearly as horrible as one might think. Maybe it’s just suppressed rage at my boyscout Scoutmaster never taking us camping (Which is the ONLY reason I joined mind you!) But I decided spending $250 a week just wasn’t the way to go when I’m broke and living in a new city. So I did what any stupidly bold internet junkie would do and set up a tent in a forested area in the middle of Houston.
Now mind you this isn’t just any forested area, we have a single neighbor who also lives in a tent. We’re pretty sure he doesn’t own the place since, well quite frankly he lives in a tent. We’re pretty sure he is a local bum. We haven’t made an effort to be friendly so far. We purposefully hid our tent in a clearing that is difficult to get to and cannot be seen from the road or his campground. And so far I have stayed a total of 4 nights and I must say that I love the look on peoples faces when they find out I’m homeless.
Generally I’m working on my laptop at a Denny’s near work. I may be homeless, but I have a job and that’s not panhandling. I own property in New Mexico, and my roomate who is staying in the tent with me own a house back home that we go to on our days off. Ah, yes it is a funny situation indeed.
Since then I’ve had several offers to move in with people. I finally accepted one and currently our tent is still there if anyone would like to move in!
Well anyway onto the meat and potatoes of this post. Since everyone and their mother is jumping on the 2012 bandwagon these days I figured it appropriate to let people know some of the real things that you don’t consider in our ultra pampered world.
1) A tent may keep the rain off of you but it gets really hot and humid with no airflow. I found myself seriously considering running a small fan with a battery or solar panel. This would have made the entire ordeal a walk in the park. All I did was sleep there, however it’s hard to sleep when you smell by the next day because you sweat so much in the middle of the night. My shirt I used for a pillow seriously looked like my jogging shirts do when I forget to take them off before the first mile is finished.
2) This one sounds a little funny but you have no electricity. We quickly realized that we had to go to Denny’s just to work on our websites because we had no power inverter. And even if we did I feel way more insecure sitting in a car on a laptop in a parking lot than I do in a secluded forested area inside the beltway in the middle of the night. However, we never took the laptops, we’re far too paranoid for that. I’ll fight for my laptop they can have my shoes.
3) Mosquitoes really suck! Pun intended. I had a mosquito get me on my forehead 2 days in a row in the same spot. I’m sure people at work thought I was getting a tumor on my forehead. Funny how nobody puts it together that you might not have a home when you actually work. I guess being homeless and being a bum go hand in hand. I however am homeless because I am not a bum. Funny how that works. Whoever was in the completely pimped out tent near us used citronella candles. He even had outdoor furniture and tarps!
4) If you really have to go in the middle of the night… you might want to pack toilet paper. Fortunately we never had this problem… but I wouldn’t want you to go through it!
5) Sleeping bags aren’t necessary in 90+ night time temperatures. I almost bought one, trust me, buy a pad, maybe a cloth to cover the pad. But you will regret a warm bag during the summer in Houston. I wanted to keep mosquitos out, the tent does that fine and a bug spray containing 40% deet helped repel the rest of the little buggers. Glad I’m not in South America, all I have to say is beware the bot fly!
6) Life can stink living homeless. Make sure you bathe. This can be easily accomplished by bringing some swimming shorts. I personally would have been swimming at random hotels every day. However I had to work during daytime hours at the time. Fortunately I did find other alternatives however this would have been way more simple. Best of all chlorine can help rid you of all the nasty bacteria that make you stink in the first place. My main problem was sweating in the same pants daily. I only brought one pair. Horrible.
7) Fire draws attention and starts forest fires! Fortunately we already knew better than to cook on an open fire in the middle of Houston. I don’t think the police would believe I’m actually not a bum and have a job just no better place to go. And I doubt they would care for that matter.
In the wild water is your friend. If we were really in a survival situation we probably would have faired pretty well if we weren’t sucking up soda’s at night dehydrating our bodies even further. It rained every few days which would have helped the most. And there was plenty of green foliage to extract water from using a solar water purifier.
I’m sure there is plenty more but I only have so much time on my lunch break and simply must get back to work. Told you I had a job. :p
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Yeah, you don't gotta tell me about all the improvements that need to be made. Working on them now. Damn the lost data to hell working on restoring the network to better than it was previously. Please excuse the mess. What Happened?! -
