Hello World! A New Beginning

It’s been years since my any of my domains have been active. I used to be very active online and had over 50 websites that I maintained at my peak from 2009-2012. I feel like my first post here should be an explanation about what happened, where I’ve been, and what I’m working on now. Bear with me, this is going to be a long and detailed post. But it’s my story. I’m not going to hold back or try to keep it short. I’m going to tell you the raw, unfiltered ugly details of how my life spiraled out of control from drug abuse and I ended up serving 3.5 years in prison on a 12 year sentence for possession of methamphetamine.

From 2008-2012 I worked at HostGator and was really living a good life. It was during this time that I met Tyler Cruz in chat. I’d been reading his blog for years off and on and he inspired me to try my hand at online marketing although I had only mild success at it. At one point I was even sued in a class action lawsuit by Opera Winfrey and Dr. Oz for promoting the stretch mark cream Cosmetyn and was forced to take down my website. Those were great times that I still remember fondly. I was doing what I loved, I had dreams and ambition and my girlfriend Michelle was by my side through all of it.

Going to prison probably saved my life. I wouldn’t have stopped using. Not because I couldn’t but because I didn’t want to stop. There is a huge difference. I know that the popular opinion is that everyone who uses is an addict but that’s too simplistic of a world view. I never technically qualified as an addict. In order to be an addict, first I must have a desire to stop, and then come to the realization that I can’t make myself stop using. My problem was I didn’t want to stop. I used it as a coping mechanism, I used it for fun, and I used it for an aphrodisiac. I was having a blast despite my life crumbling around me. There was a point during this time where I was sitting on the couch in my camper and I realized that if I died living the life I was living I could be perfectly content with that. But if that happened, if I died right then in those moments was I happy knowing that I had lived my life the way I had? What would be said at my funeral? That I was an honest drug dealer? That I always had good drugs? Or were people going to get up and make up nice things to say about me when I was dead and gone?

I decided that if I went to prison I was going to completely turn my life around because I don’t want to reach the end of my life knowing that I could have done more to help others around me, that I didn’t set a good example for those around me and people that looked up to me, and that I didn’t live up to my full potential. What would be said about me when I was dead and gone? What legacy was I leaving behind. Sure I touched some peoples lives, but what did that touch bring into their proximity?

The last time I used meth was February 7, 2021. My final arrest was on February 10, 2021 and I began serving the rest of my sentence right then and there in the county jail. I began reading every business, self help, or personal development book that I could get my hands on. My mother was so supportive of this and bought me 3 books a month for most of my sentence. I had so many books. I read hundreds of books while I was incarcerated. After I finally arrived in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice I continued this habit. But better still TDCJ got all of the inmates tablets that could be used to contact our family and friends through Securus. My favorite feature on the tablets were the free podcasts that we had. There were so many different podcasts on almost any topic you could imagine, completely free for us to listen to. I began listening to motivational speakers, psychologists, counselors, medical doctors, real estate investors, spanish teachers, and anything else I could to improve myself and my understanding of the world around me and the complexities of human dynamics. I spent thousands of hours listening to these podcasts. I even almost taught myself Spanish. I still have a very limited vocabulary but I can mostly understand what is going on now. Those tablets are the best thing that TDCJ did for us. Those tablets helped change my life dramatically. I finally had unlimited time to dedicate to learning, that was only compounded by my introverted nature. I even began speaking when I got to the drug rehabilitation program before my release. I learned that the only way to grow is by getting outside of your comfort zone.

I was released on March 20, 2024 and let me tell you the world just hits differently when you’ve been caged up like an animal. I no longer take the simple things in life for granted. Having nice things like carpet, and my own space will never be looked at as something that I should automatically have. The ability to eat what I want and not what I’m given. Not having to worry about finding a roach in my food, or undercooked pork. To sleep in a real bed again. To be able to drive. To be able to talk to people for free. The company of an attractive woman. These things are things most of us never think about. But in there I was happy when my food was actually seasoned straight from the kitchen. When you have eaten pancakes and pan bread for 7 days in a row you begin to realize that you had it pretty good before you were incarcerated. But the hardest thing for me was the complete lack of respect that inmates had for people. I get the us vs. them mentality but at the end of the day if you really are against the prison system, then stop putting yourself in it. The criminal justice system is a business. The most rebellious thing you can do to break that system isn’t attacking an officer, or burning your mattress, it’s not going back.

I’ve always been a bit rebellious. I’m not going back.